Heart in Limbo

I look into the mirror of my heart.. It has expanded into a kaleidoscope of what I was and what I may be. Hope and disappointment are the halls of its infinite corridors. Both intermingle in an intertwined relationship of falsehood and attachment. What was once thought to be pure and an untouchable essence of Love is now tainted on the outskirts by the invaders of doubt and assumption. These invaders have overthrown my vision and tortured its sight to one of resentment and hatred. I look at the world.. I look into the eyes of countless hearts and souls.. I see emptiness. I see repetitive, unoriginal fear.. A fear in all that is not embraced but avoided and denied. In its place.. A scapegoat, a substitute, a shell of what the heart’s potential is. It disgusts me, angers me and saddens me to a hopelessness. Why..? Many reasons.. I have known, seen and experienced the heart’s height of growth in Love. I have felt communion through my heart with another’s. I have cried, I have laughed, I have held someone close to me, I have fought with someone, I have understood someone, I have admitted my wrongs to someone, I have made love with someone… I have seen myself through someone. All these memories, these encounters, these timeless eternities of bliss through light and dark have been the highest experience and announcement of who I am and who we were. Yet… it’s over. Things have changed. An altered state, place, heart, mind and outlook.

I tread on with a glimmer of hope that perhaps the Heaven that was lost could be resurrected again from the ashes. A crazy dream, yet one nonetheless. I try my best to understand the Hell behind the Heaven. Its existence is given meaning through the other. I must remember this at all times as hard as it is to stop in the midst of emotion and reaction and see it for what it is. I myself am victim to what I witness in others. That emptiness, that longing for another to share yourself with, the fear to open up again with the consequence of being hurt again. Taking the bad with the good, the Hell with the Heaven. To surpass these labels would be a great accomplishment, but the only dilemma is once you’ve reached the pinnacle above Heaven and Hell.. Who is there to experience it with you..? You are alone and far far away from any who would grasp this New Union of Love.

Alas.. I am a heart in limbo…